I don't really ride the train much. Except when I'm feeling lazy, or it's cold as shit and I don't want to walk two blocks to City Creek.
But, my co-workers do.
There is a lot of weird shit happening on the train. So much so, that my coworkers and I exchange stories frequently and even get the chance to experience these instances together while going to lunch or picking up a late-night-dinner.
We even joke about how one of us could write a book of short stories cleverly named "TRAIN STORIES". We're a bunch of up-and-coming Henry David Thoreau's, I know.
Anyway, I thought if no once else is going to document this shit, I will.
So, we'll start with one of the first.
I think it must have been my 1st quarter-end with the Firm. Because it was cold, and the heater was running on the train.
Alex and I decided it was a great day for some soup from Kneaders. We walked the two blocks to City Creek, grabbed our grub and saw the train was coming to swoop us back down the street.
We jumped on and sat in our seats. Immediately, a rather fragile looking dark-haired woman started talking to us.
"You don't happen to have a couple of dollars so that I could get a bottle of Aspirin...."
Before the two of us can even acknowledge her or respond, she continues.
"Because I have a fever."
"I've gotta wound on my leg."
"It's infected. I've just got this raging fever, and I've got to get it down!"
"All I need is two dollars to get some Aspirin at the Pharmacy. That's it! Just two dollars!"
I fucking hate this shit. It's not that I feel bad. No, no. It's just so fucking awkward. Normally, I wouldn't give anyone money. Especially if they are begging for it. But we're sitting on the train with our lunch in our hands and this bitch is telling us how she's got a festering wound on her leg, and all I want is for her to stop talking about it.
So I say, "You know what, I just happen to have two bucks. Here you go." Hoping that she'll just take my money and leave us alone so we can eat lunch without catching a Staph infection.
Nope.
"Thank you so much! You see this wound here on my leg?"
She rips up her pant leg and starts unwrapping the mysteriously wounded leg....shit.
"This thing just won't stop bleeding. But once I get my fever down, they are going to amputate it!"
Holy shit. There is blood.
And it smells. Holy fuck it smells.
The train stops and we roll the fuck out. We don't even say goodbye. We just jump out.
Goodbye. Take my money. Get help.
Alex - "What just happened??"
Me - "The Zombie Apocalypse was about to start with that bitch's leg, that's what! Good thing she can buy some Aspirin now!"
Good thing there are impatient fucks like me trying to stop people from starting the Zombie Apocalypse.
-Stef
P.S. I'm the luckiest. #reallife
But, my co-workers do.
There is a lot of weird shit happening on the train. So much so, that my coworkers and I exchange stories frequently and even get the chance to experience these instances together while going to lunch or picking up a late-night-dinner.
We even joke about how one of us could write a book of short stories cleverly named "TRAIN STORIES". We're a bunch of up-and-coming Henry David Thoreau's, I know.
Anyway, I thought if no once else is going to document this shit, I will.
So, we'll start with one of the first.
I think it must have been my 1st quarter-end with the Firm. Because it was cold, and the heater was running on the train.
Alex and I decided it was a great day for some soup from Kneaders. We walked the two blocks to City Creek, grabbed our grub and saw the train was coming to swoop us back down the street.
We jumped on and sat in our seats. Immediately, a rather fragile looking dark-haired woman started talking to us.
"You don't happen to have a couple of dollars so that I could get a bottle of Aspirin...."
Before the two of us can even acknowledge her or respond, she continues.
"Because I have a fever."
"I've gotta wound on my leg."
"It's infected. I've just got this raging fever, and I've got to get it down!"
"All I need is two dollars to get some Aspirin at the Pharmacy. That's it! Just two dollars!"
I fucking hate this shit. It's not that I feel bad. No, no. It's just so fucking awkward. Normally, I wouldn't give anyone money. Especially if they are begging for it. But we're sitting on the train with our lunch in our hands and this bitch is telling us how she's got a festering wound on her leg, and all I want is for her to stop talking about it.
So I say, "You know what, I just happen to have two bucks. Here you go." Hoping that she'll just take my money and leave us alone so we can eat lunch without catching a Staph infection.
Nope.
"Thank you so much! You see this wound here on my leg?"
She rips up her pant leg and starts unwrapping the mysteriously wounded leg....shit.
"This thing just won't stop bleeding. But once I get my fever down, they are going to amputate it!"
Holy shit. There is blood.
And it smells. Holy fuck it smells.
The train stops and we roll the fuck out. We don't even say goodbye. We just jump out.
Goodbye. Take my money. Get help.
Alex - "What just happened??"
Me - "The Zombie Apocalypse was about to start with that bitch's leg, that's what! Good thing she can buy some Aspirin now!"
Good thing there are impatient fucks like me trying to stop people from starting the Zombie Apocalypse.
-Stef
P.S. I'm the luckiest. #reallife
