Caydence is a good kid. She just is. She makes friends with everyone she meets, listens, always smiles, and occasionally whips out a random dark comment every now and again when we drive past a cemetery.
But sometimes she does really shitty things.
So, when you realize your almost-seven-year-old has coated the bottom of the bath tub with conditioner: do not engage.
Don't turn on the water, stick your foot in, and think the white stuff around the edges isn't really that slippery.
Do not be fooled that the water you've just turned on is going to rinse the slime away while you simultaneously wash yourself.
You should also not be tricked into thinking the little patches of conditioner that you can see, are the only affected areas. No. It's fucking everywhere.
I'm telling you this, so that you don't make the same mistakes I did. Do not be naïve. This is a death trap.
Because once you step in and reassure yourself that everything is going to be fine, even after slipping a couple of times, you are immediately going to find yourself in a small pit of despair face down in the bottom of the shower.
You're also going to sit there for about 3 minutes while you try to stop your eyes from welling after the pain of slamming all of your vulnerably naked limbs into the sides of the bath tub starts to set in. Then, you're going to spend the next two minutes using your daughter's bath poof to clean the bottom of the bath tub out of spite.
At the end of this you're going to be so angry that you scream your daughters name and tell her she will never use conditioner again.
The real kicker is, the previous night you should have been paying more attention when your boyfriend started asking why Caydence had so much "soap" all over her body.
Read. Learn. Save yourself from this tragedy on a Tuesday morning.
-Stef
But sometimes she does really shitty things.
So, when you realize your almost-seven-year-old has coated the bottom of the bath tub with conditioner: do not engage.
Don't turn on the water, stick your foot in, and think the white stuff around the edges isn't really that slippery.
Do not be fooled that the water you've just turned on is going to rinse the slime away while you simultaneously wash yourself.
You should also not be tricked into thinking the little patches of conditioner that you can see, are the only affected areas. No. It's fucking everywhere.
I'm telling you this, so that you don't make the same mistakes I did. Do not be naïve. This is a death trap.
Because once you step in and reassure yourself that everything is going to be fine, even after slipping a couple of times, you are immediately going to find yourself in a small pit of despair face down in the bottom of the shower.
You're also going to sit there for about 3 minutes while you try to stop your eyes from welling after the pain of slamming all of your vulnerably naked limbs into the sides of the bath tub starts to set in. Then, you're going to spend the next two minutes using your daughter's bath poof to clean the bottom of the bath tub out of spite.
At the end of this you're going to be so angry that you scream your daughters name and tell her she will never use conditioner again.
The real kicker is, the previous night you should have been paying more attention when your boyfriend started asking why Caydence had so much "soap" all over her body.
Read. Learn. Save yourself from this tragedy on a Tuesday morning.
-Stef
